As my children were teenagers, I had more time to banish my lonely migrant symptoms by seeking social interactions with other adults.
I joined a mixed group. I remember that I felt so safe and welcomed with the group leader’s friendly manner.
At gatherings, the group leader took control of the crowd with his chatty personality and supreme position and I just listened and smiled. As I felt he wouldn’t have time to talk to or notice me, I spent time conversing with others but him.
Then one day I realised that he had marked me as not coming to a gathering and denied to acknowledge that I had replied that I was going. The incident repeated the second time with a different social event.
I felt injustice was committed against me and confronted him. He accused me of distressing him and removed me from the group. There was nowhere and no one for me to lodge a complaint against him! People who heard my story didn’t want to interfere with it for fear of being ejected from the group. I just felt so lonely and vulnerable!
Then I joined an all-female group. There was a woman in the group named Firebush who suggested to have get-togethers with event names like “Ladies-who-like-ladies night”, “Ladies-who-want-to-come-out dinner”, “Ladies-who-love-exotic-Burlesque show”. Those events seemed to target a small group of women whereas I understood that the group was for all women. Moreover, I perceived that the group was one for friendship and not for dating.
I received several emails from Firebush pursuing me for a “one-on-one liaison” even though from the first email, I told her I didn’t belong to the group with sexual interest of people of the same sex. I felt harassed and being stalked with her approach.
I left the first female group and joined the second one. Firebush followed me to the new group. When I sought help for attending an event, she offered to give me one. Whatever event I replied as I would go, she did the same. When I complained to the group leader, Ragweed, about Firebush’ behaviour towards me, Ragweed promised to talk to Firebush. When I alerted Ragweed of Firebush’ tendency to create events of sexual theme, Ragweed said: “You can’t stop people falling in love in the group!”.
Soon after, I was criticised by Ragweed as being rude to a group member which I was outraged at her accusation! She told me that from now on she would watch me and if I was caught causing offence again, I would be out of the group.
I wrote to other members complaining of being patronised and treated unfairly and Ragweed heard about it. She then rejected my membership.
I felt powerless to fight against injustice borne by someone who happened to hold power in a social group they created.
My friend told me that I should not fret about leaving that female group. It wasn’t my fault and she could see that I wasn’t wanted in the group. My friend thought that there were words in the name and description of the group that indicated that the group was into romance between people of the same sex.
In the end, everyone I knew also left the female group. One said that she felt she was patronised. There maybe other reasons that I didn’t know.
Those two social groups invoke in me the hurtful, prevalent feeling of being powerless and wronged by someone in a powerful position. I no longer join any social group of that kind.
Build a social group and he’s a King,
Free to cause folks emotional sting,
To gain control over those lonely souls,
To bully, harass or have a fling!